I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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