She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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