I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
