We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
