I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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