I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
