Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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