I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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