I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
