His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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