no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
