I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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