yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
