girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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