I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
