Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
