so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
God, I missed his penis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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