I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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