Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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