im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize