When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
