whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
