Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
