there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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