you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
