I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
