About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
