Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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