I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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