Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
