He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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