A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
