I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
