rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You can't motorboat a personality
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
