Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
