So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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