How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
