I just saw a hot homeless man
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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