when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
