he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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