Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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