It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
