i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
