I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
