i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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