I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
