I hate your face
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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