Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
