i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
