nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My balls are so social today.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
