If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
