Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
