i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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