lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
