he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
