Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
